So apparently last night was the final night of this “rare” extravaganza lottery giveaway. Since I created my account about a month ago, I’ve enjoyed playing casually, just 4 or 5 hours a day or so, but I still became hooked on it and didn’t want to miss a day of play.
Well to cut to the chase, I wasn’t at all bothered by the rare events until last night, when suddenly I really, really wanted a blue halloween mask. I’m not even the gamer type, I mean in OSRS I played f2p for 10 years because I didn’t want to get too sucked into the game, so I limited what I could do. I just wanted a combat level in the 100s or 110s and to have a handful of skills in the 90s, which I really never achieved on my original RS2 account when I played from 2005-2010 (I was age 12-17 and I only was allowed limited computer time by my parents).
If I got a blue partyhat or something worth over 100m, I would just sell it and get a blue halloween mask and give the rest of the money away to someone. I don’t need hundreds of mills of gp to enjoy this game, for really I don’t have enough time to play to use all that money. I was so excited about getting a robin hood hat at a drop party - that is far luckier than I’ve ever been over the 15 years I’ve played RS2 and OSRS. I felt like I was finally a bit higher class of a player. But man, I couldn’t settle for that when people were getting blue halloween masks for free! I’ve never really liked lottery systems. It’s just that someone can win who has put in no work or might not even care much. I know life doesn’t have to be nearly fair and that’s just the way it goes, and I really value my emotional maturity over all else when it comes to playing this game. I don’t want to be a baby or a whiner. But I still have that 13 year old self in me that I’ve carried with me since then. Suddenly my attitude became very sarcastic and hostile when my opportunity for luck was over. That’s not the kind of character I want to be. I really value positivity and optimism, but I just could not get over my bitterness. I sat quietly in my car for hours thinking about it, trying to find some introspection as to why I had to be so negatively affected by this game. I don’t want it to be that way. I still want to play as much as I did when I started. But I didn’t want this to drag me down. But it did, and I’m still trying to help myself out of it, and so I thought I could post a thread, that hopefully wouldn’t come off to others as some self-pity party where I drown myself in sorrow. I really just want to overcome the stress. Why does this mask have to mean so much to me?
A friend of mine got the blue mask at the last second of the event. I’m always suspicious of this “random” computed mechanism (I know nothing about computer programming, but I understand that in the abstract, nothing is random.) Did they just give out a whole lot of rares to people at the very end just as some sort of, “Last chance! Here are the last ones everybody! They’re all gonna pop up in your inventories now!” Anyway, they had been playing way longer than I have and wanted the rare just as much if not far more than I wanted it. But I was absolutely furious. I secluded myself in world 1 because I couldn’t bear to play around other players who were “luckier” than I was.
I’m still furious, but I’m not thrashing around, destroying things and screaming in public (like I might have done 10 years ago) and I really want the feelings to subside, but I also still really want the mask and feel like maybe I should set out on a grand conquest to obtain one, which would mean sacrificing a lot of my time. I need to go to the gym, be out in the sun, get plenty of rest and work on other things that interest me. Playing all the time would be a real detriment to my health. People who do it, well I guess they’re the true gamers. But does the game really mean more to people who are willing to (or by default) spend all their time playing? Or it just in their nature to do that, by being a gamer? 2004Scape is the only game I care to play. I’ve never picked up a new game after the age of 13, because I knew there was so much more to get out of the games I’d already started. I could spend a lifetime getting all there is to get out of 2004scape. It would take me months to make 50m so I could buy a mask myself, but I guess that’s really the grown up thing to do. I’m just going to have to be patient and keep playing, although I still feel so extremely tempted to do whatever it takes to manipulate someone into giving one to me, by guilt-tripping or pity-tripping or trying to be their best friend, but that goes against the guidelines I’ve set to help myself become a better person. I don’t know if I should just let it go or really really commit to achieving the goal, although it will take me much much longer than people who have all the time in the world to play the game.
I have other struggles in life to overcome. I still need a job, a girlfriend, real money, and to commit more time to community college. Although that all sounds more important, I just really want the blue mask. It’s very hard for me to accept that I don’t have it so I feel like maybe I should just suffer mentally (temporarily) by cutting myself off from the other activities I enjoy just so I can finally get this mask and then take a break and finally feel happy, like I finally made it to becoming a more prestigious, higher class player (I think I have a bit of an inferiority-complex about playing this game) and then feel satisfied. I don’t want to get 99 everything or make hundreds of mils. But ever since 2005 or 2006, back when it was actually more rare to see players wearing the masks, I thought it would be the best thing ever to have an account in the level 100s with a blue mask, and I never even got close, I mean I don’t know if I just didn’t know how to make the most of my time playing, but I never had more than 2mil gp at a time. I fished and cooked monkfish for money, just because I liked being way up north in that Piscatoris Colony. I see these oldschool game revivals as opportunities to get what I never had, now that I’m an adult and commit some more time to playing, at least for the time being.
I know a lot of people really care about succeeding in the game as well, and I know I’m not the only one who’s ever felt this way, so I hope no one reading this is frowning upon me and despising me if they think I’m whining or want other people to feel sorry for me. I never want to feel like I need people to feel sorry for me in order for me to feel better, for that is a real liability of character and surely a feature of immaturity. But I can’t completely let go of that because I still feel compelled to do whatever it takes for the easiest way to get the mask. I guess maybe it’s similar to addiction.
Well I intended to make this thread mainly to help myself process my troubles, but hopefully other people can find a benefit to posting here as well about their own troubles.
. I have lost a bit of interest now so I will probably take a break until January or so.
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